Norah forever changed my view on love and loss. Although I had experienced 3 miscarriages, which were ABSOLUTELY devastating to me and my husband, for the first time I was seeing stillbirth from a personal perspective. It was heartbreakingly beautiful. I knew first hand that a mother's love has nothing to do with the location of the baby...whether the baby was here or in heaven. I knew first hand that love breaks barriers and silence. But watching Norah's family openly and honestly love her was amazing! This beautiful baby girl began to help me break the silence of pregnancy and infant loss.
The truth is that one in four women experiences pregnancy and/or infant loss. Some professionals believe this is a low number and the number may actually be higher when you account for women who miscarry prior to seeing a physician and never report the loss. Regardless, at least 25% of women have experienced loss. Many of them won't talk about it. Many of them are afraid to grieve openly.
Grieving openly is risky. It allows for others to speak out loudly about their opinion on what and how you should be feeling. But grief is unpredictable. It comes in waves and never completely goes away. It changes as we change and it grows and adapts with us. No two people grieve in the same way. But we all grieve and should be allowed to grieve.
For some mothers grieving comes in the form of tangible reminders of the baby that was and is. For others who never held or saw their baby it comes in other ways. For me, grieving was naming my babies even though I didn't know for sure their gender. It is telling my children that they have 3 siblings waiting in heaven. It is looking toward heaven as seeing Jesus and holding these precious babies that He gave me for the very first time. For me grieving in breaking the silence!
I have four daughters. When I look at them I know that at least one of them will experience pregnancy or infant loss. I know that I will have to walk with them down that weary and heartbreaking road. I know that their journey will be different than mine. But I also know that because I have been open with them, because at the tender ages of 3, 4, 5, and 8 they know that I have experienced loss, when the day comes they will have someone to rely on. They won't have to be silent.
The truth is I'm breaking my silence so others won't feel the need to be silent. When we grieve in silence it is so hard for the church to surround us. But it is hard to let the church surround us if we don't know that there are others. If I don't break the silence there will be another woman who grieves alone. And I refuse to continue to be a part of the culture of silence!
My friends, if you've experienced loss it is never to late to break the silence. It is never too late to stand and say, 'me too'! Speak so those around you no longer fear. Let others know they aren't alone!
Kristen
