Choosing Abundance

Buried in the story of Jesus healing Jairus' daughter is a sweet story of the healing of a woman subject to bleeding (Matt 9:18-26, Mark 5:24-34, Luke 8:42-48).  I have ALWAYS loved this story and have never been 100 percent sure why.  Maybe it is because of the audacity of the woman; maybe it is her timidity; maybe it is simply knowing that Jesus cares about the disgusting things, the things that embarrass me. Regardless, I'm thankful that Jesus cared enough about this woman to heal her.

Let me set up how I see the story: Jesus is on his way to ultimately raise a girl from death to life.  While walking the crowd is pressed tight around him.  I see them walking and making it hard for him to move.  And there is this woman.  Honestly she shouldn't be in this crowd at all.  Women who were bleeding were required to call out 'unclean' when coming into contact with others.  She was violating multiple rules laid out in Leviticus.  She was DESPERATE.  She was embarrassed.  She probably hadn't often been lovingly touched because to touch her meant that one became unclean and could not fellowship, couldn't enter the synagogue or temple.  People were inevitably pressing around her as she was reaching for the Master.  She was jeopardizing the ability of others to freely worship God.  And all this for a chance at the freedom she believed Jesus offered.

She wasn't looking for recognition.  She only wanted enough of Jesus to rid her of the ugliness, of the disease, only enough to make her clean.  And she was right!  Simply touching him made her clean.  Think about it, simply touching Jesus is cleansing, redeeming, freeing!

I've always seen this story as a tale of a woman with extraordinary faith.  She knew that just touching Jesus would supply her need.  But as I read this story this week, I saw something drastically more.  She wasn't looking for abundance.  She was only looking for enough. And then I began to wonder...

Is this what I do?  Is this what the church in America does?  Is this why people are rarely dramatically healed?  Is this why we haven't had a sweeping revival in decades?  I think, I believe, that it is.  Instead of falling on our faces before Jesus, instead of pleading for his redemption; instead of exposing our sickness, our unclean desires before HIM, we try to just touch his robe.  We seek enough to be saved, but not enough to be truly changed.  We seek enough to be healed, but not enough to live abundantly.  We seek to be relieved of the disease of sin but we DON'T want the sin exposed.

In the end this woman was exposed.  She was called out.  The affliction she tried so desperately to hide was made known.  Not revealed just to her contemporaries but to you and me, to every generation since the writing of the Gospels.  I have been thinking on how different her story would be if she had fallen on her face before Jesus.  She received the healing she desperately longed for but I think there was more available to her.  If there was more available to her is there more available for me, for us?

I want to stop living in the 'just enough' and start living in the abundance Jesus offers.  It will mean some changes for me.  It will mean earnestly and openly seeking His face.  It will mean believing that I am worth more than just the edge of his robe.  It will mean exposure.  It may mean embarrassment.  But it will be worth it!  Because I will go away truly changed!  I will be free to be exactly who God created me to be.

 I will no longer settle for less than I am worth.  I was worth the CROSS.  You, my friends, were worth the CROSS.  God sent Jesus to die for me, to die for you.  He wants us to have the abundance.  He freely offers the best!  Will you join me in ceasing to settle for the hem of his garment?  Will you go forward in abundance?  Can we say to the world together,  "We are broken and in need of a SAVIOR?  We are sick in need of a HEALER? We were condemned and in need of a REDEEMER? We were lost and in need of a HERO?  We were embarrassed and in need of a FRIEND?  Jesus has been our SAVIOR, HEALER, REDEEMER, HERO and FRIEND!'

This is what our world needs to hear.  That we believe that each person is worthy of the abundance Jesus offers.  The only way to tell others is to show them.  And the only way to show them is to begin living in the proffered abundance of Jesus presence!

Loss

On December 31, 2011 my dear friend delivered a full term beautiful baby girl.  She was perfect in every way.  She was absolutely amazing.  But she didn't get to come home with her mom and dad.  She never laughed at her big sister.  She was born into the arms of Jesus.

Norah forever changed my view on love and loss.  Although I had experienced 3 miscarriages, which were ABSOLUTELY devastating to me and my husband, for the first time I was seeing stillbirth from a personal perspective.  It was heartbreakingly beautiful.  I knew first hand that a mother's love has nothing to do with the location of the baby...whether the baby was here or in heaven.  I knew first hand that love breaks barriers and silence.  But watching Norah's family openly and honestly love her was amazing!  This beautiful baby girl began to help me break the silence of pregnancy and infant loss.

The truth is that one in four women experiences pregnancy and/or infant loss.  Some professionals believe this is a low number and the number may actually be higher when you account for women who miscarry prior to seeing a physician and never report the loss.  Regardless, at least 25% of women have experienced loss.  Many of them won't talk about it.  Many of them are afraid to grieve openly.

Grieving openly is risky.  It allows for others to speak out loudly about their opinion on what and how you should be feeling.  But grief is unpredictable.  It comes in waves and never completely goes away.  It changes as we change and it grows and adapts with us.  No two people grieve in the same way.  But we all grieve and should be allowed to grieve.  

For some mothers grieving comes in the form of tangible reminders of the baby that was and is.  For others who never held or saw their baby it comes in other ways.  For me, grieving was naming my babies even though I didn't know for sure their gender.  It is telling my children that they have 3 siblings waiting in heaven.  It is looking toward heaven as seeing Jesus and holding these precious babies that He gave me for the very first time.  For me grieving in breaking the silence!

I have four daughters.  When I look at them I know that at least one of them will experience pregnancy or infant loss.  I know that I will have to walk with them down that weary and heartbreaking road.  I know that their journey will be different than mine.  But I also know that because I have been open with them, because at the tender ages of 3, 4, 5, and 8 they know that I have experienced loss, when the day comes they will have someone to rely on.  They won't have to be silent.  

The truth is I'm breaking my silence so others won't feel the need to be silent.  When we grieve in silence it is so hard for the church to surround us.  But it is hard to let the church surround us if we don't know that there are others.  If I don't break the silence there will be another woman who grieves alone.  And I refuse to continue to be a part of the culture of silence!

My friends, if you've experienced loss it is never to late to break the silence.  It is never too late to stand and say, 'me too'!  Speak so those around you no longer fear.  Let others know they aren't alone!

Kristen