Choosing Abundance

Buried in the story of Jesus healing Jairus' daughter is a sweet story of the healing of a woman subject to bleeding (Matt 9:18-26, Mark 5:24-34, Luke 8:42-48).  I have ALWAYS loved this story and have never been 100 percent sure why.  Maybe it is because of the audacity of the woman; maybe it is her timidity; maybe it is simply knowing that Jesus cares about the disgusting things, the things that embarrass me. Regardless, I'm thankful that Jesus cared enough about this woman to heal her.

Let me set up how I see the story: Jesus is on his way to ultimately raise a girl from death to life.  While walking the crowd is pressed tight around him.  I see them walking and making it hard for him to move.  And there is this woman.  Honestly she shouldn't be in this crowd at all.  Women who were bleeding were required to call out 'unclean' when coming into contact with others.  She was violating multiple rules laid out in Leviticus.  She was DESPERATE.  She was embarrassed.  She probably hadn't often been lovingly touched because to touch her meant that one became unclean and could not fellowship, couldn't enter the synagogue or temple.  People were inevitably pressing around her as she was reaching for the Master.  She was jeopardizing the ability of others to freely worship God.  And all this for a chance at the freedom she believed Jesus offered.

She wasn't looking for recognition.  She only wanted enough of Jesus to rid her of the ugliness, of the disease, only enough to make her clean.  And she was right!  Simply touching him made her clean.  Think about it, simply touching Jesus is cleansing, redeeming, freeing!

I've always seen this story as a tale of a woman with extraordinary faith.  She knew that just touching Jesus would supply her need.  But as I read this story this week, I saw something drastically more.  She wasn't looking for abundance.  She was only looking for enough. And then I began to wonder...

Is this what I do?  Is this what the church in America does?  Is this why people are rarely dramatically healed?  Is this why we haven't had a sweeping revival in decades?  I think, I believe, that it is.  Instead of falling on our faces before Jesus, instead of pleading for his redemption; instead of exposing our sickness, our unclean desires before HIM, we try to just touch his robe.  We seek enough to be saved, but not enough to be truly changed.  We seek enough to be healed, but not enough to live abundantly.  We seek to be relieved of the disease of sin but we DON'T want the sin exposed.

In the end this woman was exposed.  She was called out.  The affliction she tried so desperately to hide was made known.  Not revealed just to her contemporaries but to you and me, to every generation since the writing of the Gospels.  I have been thinking on how different her story would be if she had fallen on her face before Jesus.  She received the healing she desperately longed for but I think there was more available to her.  If there was more available to her is there more available for me, for us?

I want to stop living in the 'just enough' and start living in the abundance Jesus offers.  It will mean some changes for me.  It will mean earnestly and openly seeking His face.  It will mean believing that I am worth more than just the edge of his robe.  It will mean exposure.  It may mean embarrassment.  But it will be worth it!  Because I will go away truly changed!  I will be free to be exactly who God created me to be.

 I will no longer settle for less than I am worth.  I was worth the CROSS.  You, my friends, were worth the CROSS.  God sent Jesus to die for me, to die for you.  He wants us to have the abundance.  He freely offers the best!  Will you join me in ceasing to settle for the hem of his garment?  Will you go forward in abundance?  Can we say to the world together,  "We are broken and in need of a SAVIOR?  We are sick in need of a HEALER? We were condemned and in need of a REDEEMER? We were lost and in need of a HERO?  We were embarrassed and in need of a FRIEND?  Jesus has been our SAVIOR, HEALER, REDEEMER, HERO and FRIEND!'

This is what our world needs to hear.  That we believe that each person is worthy of the abundance Jesus offers.  The only way to tell others is to show them.  And the only way to show them is to begin living in the proffered abundance of Jesus presence!

Thankful!

I've been trying to keep up with the 30 days of Thanks on Twitter (follow me! @becproverb31)  But thought I would do a thankful post here too. In no particular order (except the first one)...

1. I'm thankful for the saving grace of Jesus.  He loves me unconditionally and completely...even on days when I screw up royally

2.  For my amazing husband.  When most guys come home and watch football, he comes home and folds laundry and mops the floor.  AND he takes care of me when I'm sick (he says I'm mean when I'm sick)

3.  For my AWESOME kids.  I never dreamed I would have five kids in six and a half years.  But I do...and they are wonderful. They make me smile and laugh... and show me JESUS.

4.  The ability to live in a place where I have control over the education of my children.  I count it a blessing to be able to homeschool.  But even more of a blessing that there are options if one day homeschooling doesn't work for me

5.  A Godly heritage of parents and grandparents that served Jesus.

6.  That my mom taught me the hymns.  I love music but songs such as 'Great is Thy Faithfulness'  and 'The Love of Christ' are more precious to me than any other songs I could sing!

7.  Bible Study Fellowship (bsfinternational.org)  This is an amazing way to learn about Jesus and fall ever more in love with Him!!!!

8.  Friends who lend me their children when I feel horrible (Having an extra set of hands is worth more than I can say)

9.  The advances in modern medicine that allow me to have five children.  100 years ago I would have been a statistic of a woman who died in childbirth

10.  The hope of heaven!  Looking forward to worshiping Jesus with my Grandparents and babies that went before me!!!

11.  Coffee (this needs no explanation)

12.  Siblings...most people don't get 12 siblings but I did and they ROCK! Alex, Nathan, Anthony, Jonathan, Quinten and Chandler you made it hard for any guy to measure up and I always felt protected.  Konny, JaNielle, Victoria, Kathryn, Carolyn, Bethany; it is a miracle I ever make friends because you are my best friends and my sisters!

13.  My sister's in law.  Kammi and Racheal are amazing women of God who challenge me.  I wish we lived closer but I truly treasure them. (Amber doesn't quite fit in this category but I'm super thankful for her too!!!)

14.  That God answered my prayers for a big brother in the way of a goofy 12 year old showing up on our porch.  He is still a part of our family and I'm truly thankful!

15.  That my Husband gets to work for a Christian company

16.  For the roof over my head

17.  That on an afternoon in late August 2001, I met Ann.  She was just what God knew I needed!  And we still talk almost every day

18.  For lifelong friends like Emily, Laura, Sarah, and Cori.  The girls I grew up with and who still love me.  Emily and I have more memories from before we were 12 than most friends have in a lifetime

19.  For having the privilege of attending loving churches.  I have always had a church to call my home

20.  For awesome youth group kids like Tiffany and Cassie (and many others).  You two girls especially have become my friends.  I'm so very thankful for you!

21.  For the ability to attend a church who doesn't discriminate based on past choices.  I have learned that we all have hurts, habits, and hang-up that Jesus needs to rescue us from.  I am learning to see myself with humility and grace.  And I'm learning to genuinely love people that probably scared me 7 years ago!

22.  For mended relationships!  I have a few friends I thought I would never see again...boy am I glad I was wrong.

23.  That mom taught me to sew and crochet.  I wasn't very good at it when I started but love to be creative!

24.  That my love of creativity has become something productive for my family.  I seriously enjoy selling on Etsy...etsy.com/shop/becoming31

25.  That for the first time I can remember I won a giveaway!  Super excited to pick out my prizes from m. newsom photography!  etsy.com/shop/mnewsomephotography.  And she blogs at eatmakelive.com

26.  That God blessed me with over 50 cousins!  Family get gatherings may as well be called parties!

27.  For my nieces and nephews!!! Those little girls and boys are crazy amazing!!!

28.  For my aunts and uncles.  I am thankful for the life lessons they taught me

29. For my nursing degree...even though I'm not actively using it I'm crazy thankful for the knowledge I've been given

30.  That I get to be a stay-at-home mama.  Nothing is more precious to me than teaching my littles about Jesus!  There is nothing I will ever do that will hold more eternal significance!

What are you thankful for this year?  Can you list your blessings?  I encourage you to focus on Jesus and and a heart of thankfulness this Holiday season!!

Kristen

Fall Fun

I have decided that rather than just posting 'deep thoughts with Kristen'  which I often do I am going to blog more often.  Sometimes what you will find will be mundane but super cute (like pictures of my AWESOME kids), other times you will find me writing from the depths of my soul.

So for my first picture filled post I bring you fall fun!  We have chosen to participate in Halloween in a pretty limited fashion and are always seeking fun things to do in October... We have found Pigeon Roost.  It is a great little farm outside of Columbus that has all sorts of kids activities...In fact, it is my kids favorite place to go each fall!  So here are pictures of our day :)

They make me smile everyday!  So thankful for my little blessings!

Loss

On December 31, 2011 my dear friend delivered a full term beautiful baby girl.  She was perfect in every way.  She was absolutely amazing.  But she didn't get to come home with her mom and dad.  She never laughed at her big sister.  She was born into the arms of Jesus.

Norah forever changed my view on love and loss.  Although I had experienced 3 miscarriages, which were ABSOLUTELY devastating to me and my husband, for the first time I was seeing stillbirth from a personal perspective.  It was heartbreakingly beautiful.  I knew first hand that a mother's love has nothing to do with the location of the baby...whether the baby was here or in heaven.  I knew first hand that love breaks barriers and silence.  But watching Norah's family openly and honestly love her was amazing!  This beautiful baby girl began to help me break the silence of pregnancy and infant loss.

The truth is that one in four women experiences pregnancy and/or infant loss.  Some professionals believe this is a low number and the number may actually be higher when you account for women who miscarry prior to seeing a physician and never report the loss.  Regardless, at least 25% of women have experienced loss.  Many of them won't talk about it.  Many of them are afraid to grieve openly.

Grieving openly is risky.  It allows for others to speak out loudly about their opinion on what and how you should be feeling.  But grief is unpredictable.  It comes in waves and never completely goes away.  It changes as we change and it grows and adapts with us.  No two people grieve in the same way.  But we all grieve and should be allowed to grieve.  

For some mothers grieving comes in the form of tangible reminders of the baby that was and is.  For others who never held or saw their baby it comes in other ways.  For me, grieving was naming my babies even though I didn't know for sure their gender.  It is telling my children that they have 3 siblings waiting in heaven.  It is looking toward heaven as seeing Jesus and holding these precious babies that He gave me for the very first time.  For me grieving in breaking the silence!

I have four daughters.  When I look at them I know that at least one of them will experience pregnancy or infant loss.  I know that I will have to walk with them down that weary and heartbreaking road.  I know that their journey will be different than mine.  But I also know that because I have been open with them, because at the tender ages of 3, 4, 5, and 8 they know that I have experienced loss, when the day comes they will have someone to rely on.  They won't have to be silent.  

The truth is I'm breaking my silence so others won't feel the need to be silent.  When we grieve in silence it is so hard for the church to surround us.  But it is hard to let the church surround us if we don't know that there are others.  If I don't break the silence there will be another woman who grieves alone.  And I refuse to continue to be a part of the culture of silence!

My friends, if you've experienced loss it is never to late to break the silence.  It is never too late to stand and say, 'me too'!  Speak so those around you no longer fear.  Let others know they aren't alone!

Kristen

Dear Miley,

You have never met me.  And honestly, you probably never will.  Several years ago I watched you on Disney Channel with my little girl.  We loved Hannah Montana.  We watched it as a family.  We loved to see you on tv.  We loved what you stood for in life.  I liked knowing that you were working with your dad.  At the time it appeared you would survive childhood stardom unscathed.  

Sadly, I was wrong.  Apparently you didn't survive and thrive.  You gave in to the inordinate amount of pressure that the spotlight brings.  As I see it, you have fallen to nearly the bottom.  Maybe you are about to hit rock bottom.  I don't know.  But there are some things I do know.

Miley, I'm sorry that when you were that 'good girl'  I didn't pray for you.  It didn't matter that you were a good influence with seemingly good parents.  What mattered was that because you were a good role model you were going to be under more attack, under more pressure than the others in the spotlight.  I'm sorry that it took the decisions you are making now to send me a wake up call.  I'm sorry that when you look in the mirror you don't see someone who is abundantly loved by JESUS!  I'm sorry you don't see your beauty.

If your goal was to gain attention, you have accomplished that.  If your goal was to gain respect...as a whole, you have lost that from most of the people I know.  But I also believe you can change.  You can become a good role model again.  You can show people the saving grace and mercy of Jesus.  I believe you don't want to go back to being Hannah Montana.  I can understand that.  I'm thankful I don't have to be the person I was in my teens.  But you can go back to being a good role model for women everywhere.  You could revolutionize pop culture like you revolutionized Disney Channel sitcoms.

So here is my promise, I promise to pray for you.  I don''t even believe you will ever see this.  But I still promise.  I will pray for your parents.  I will pray that God sends people into your life that show you the way to Jesus.  I will pray you become a good role model again.  I will ask others to pray for you too.  Because even though I don't know you my heart aches for you.  I know you must be hurting about something to act the way you have been.  So I will simply pray.

Kristen

(Side note to my friends who are moms:  I know this may seem out there but honestly Miley could be any one of our adult children.  We would want everyone who interacted with them to pray for them.  To be Jesus to them.  I have never prayed for a celebrity before this but I am truly praying.  Please pray with me.  This girl who was given her name because she lights up a room when she smiles could dynamically change the world for Jesus.  Or she could continue down this path and draw others with her to Satan.)

The 10th Commandment

When we read the 10 commandments and teach them to our children I think we sometimes overlook number 10.  I am so very guilty of number 10.  I look around and see so many things I want to have, that I wish I had, that I wonder why God won't give me. Sometimes they are literally things and sometimes they are circumstances but regardless, I am coveting.

This conviction has been ever present lately.  It is present when I long to be closer to my family and am envious of my siblings that do live closer.  It is present when I hear of others getting a raise.  It is present when I hear of or even see women who are expecting a new baby (yes, I know I have 5...I just wish I could have more).  It is PRESENT...

And yet, and yet God is calling me to something greater than covetousness.  He is calling me into contentment. 

 Philippians 4:11 
"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content" 


Hebrews 13:5
"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Timothy 6:6-8
"But godliness with contentment is great gain for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content."

I desire to be content.  Even more than I desire contentment I desire JESUS.  I want more of HIM.  I believe that covetousness is just a symptom of needing more of Jesus.  When my eyes lose sight of Him they focus on things.  Covetousness is a reminder to refocus, to realign.  It is a reminder to pick of my Bible and talk to my Savior, to my best friend.  

I wish it were that simple.  I wish I had this one figured out, conquered.  But then I wouldn't need grace, and I wouldn't need forgiveness.  But I do need grace and I do need forgiveness.  I serve this amazing God who loves me even when...and yet He is calling me to be better.  To be more like Him.  To be able to say, "No, I don't have it all, I have JESUS and He is better than anything this world could offer.  He is better than a house in Indiana, better than an increase in income, better than a 6th child.  He is the Best this world has to offer."

Dreaming...

I spent the majority of last school year studying Genesis.  I really love the book of Genesis.  It is a book of beginning but it is also a book of dreams.  I was especially moved by the stories of Joseph. (Genesis ch 37-50) You see Joseph was a dreamer.  I remember singing the story of Joseph's life when I was in the youth group.  I loved those songs!  They were inspiring and humbling all at the same time.  Joseph's story is one of God's mighty power...that power moving when Joseph couldn't see it.  Moving when Jacob thought his child long dead.  Moving when his brothers were drowning in guilt.  

Dreaming means taking risk.  It means laying yourself on the line.  It means accepting that your dreams may NEVER become a reality.  Trusting in the God that gave you the dream seems near impossible at times.  Dreaming drives us either to desperation or to desperately cry out to HIM.  Dreaming should bring us to our knees in ways we are incapable of comprehending until we are there.  Until we are seeking HIM in a brand new way.

The greatest risk in dreaming isn't that our dreams won't come true.  The greatest risk is that we will dream outside of God's will.  It is that we hold so tightly to our man made dreams that we lose what God has planned.  You see God's plans are O SO MUCH BETTER than ours!

I can't imagine how Joseph felt in the dungeon.  Held captive in a foreign land by men who loathed his people.  And yet he was still a dreamer.  He was still faithful to the dream God gave him many years prior to his imprisonment.  Moreover, he held onto the GOD who gave him the dream.  Even when the dream seemed to have little chance of coming true.

Today, I'm dreaming.  And I'm also grieving what appears to be the loss of a dream.  Honestly what the dream was matters little.  What does matter is that GOD is bigger than my dreams.  What matters is that GOD gave me this dream..I know because others have confirmed this in my life.  What matters is that GOD is always faithful, and He is always good!  Even when our dreams seem shattered.  

So what are you dreaming today?  Is it the stuff of God?  You see, dreams are miracles in the making!  If you can achieve your dream on your own it isn't really a dream, it is merely a goal.  Today I want to dream big!  I want to dream bigger than the dream that was lost.  I want to dream what GOD wants.  I want a front row seat to a miracle.  To the miracle God is preparing in my life, in my family.  Today I am trying to accept that Joseph waited years for his dream to come true, he waited years for God to perform that specific miracle in his life.  Today I am trying to wait.  

"Wait on the Lord. Serving Him gladly. Hold to the truth He has placed in you.  And wait on the Lord. Patiently wait on the Lord" (Travis Cottrell and Kathie Hill from the musical 'Waiters').  So today, friends, I challenge you to wait.  But while you are waiting dare to dream.  For out of your dreams may come the greatest miracle you will ever see!  You just might get a front row seat!